There are too many bones in my soup and minced spices

Im glad Y is back on her writing track after deleting her blog.. damnit girl.. and she got a real kick ass job with THEe.. and i was so thrilled for her.. i was screaming and doing all sorts of girly cheerleading things over the phone one night last week.. she was thrilled. I was thrilled.

SO much has transpired. And i write with clarity and conviction when i say that it is finally over. Rectification, rescinding.. not going to happen. Because while i entertained playfully and temptingly the notion of "Kuch Kuch Hota Hai", i decided to embrace and finally invite in the ubiquitous notion of "It's over lah stupid bitch, get on with it." And i sleep better because of that. Hell yeah.

So moving on.. loads of travelling cum June.. im leaving for India then HongKong and other destinations.. not decided yet.

I have been hunting for jobs and sometimes i am nervous. sometimes im fatalistic. sometimes i am in denial. the latter is easiest since that's the default mode i switch on to most of the time.
Let's see how it goes. Things always happen for a reason. And the reason is..

Air and Vide Cor Meum

It has been haunting me all morning. "Air on G string" by Bach and "Vide Cor Meum". I've finlalysent my handphone for repair and this is the third time it has come back "fixed". Its getting exasperating really.. i am really want to know what my legal rights are since they keep giving me faulty devices and i have to inconvenience myself by going all the way down to the Service Centre to get the damn thing "fixed". What are they running there?

I realized from my brother, who has been skiving, that i can upload MP3s on my handphone and use them as ringtones, for someone who is damn jobless like me, it was an exciting prospect. Finally, i can upload my favourite pieces and annoy everyone by showing them off. So the question is, what should i upload? *excuse the somewhat trivial nature of this entry, i just want to ramble* My previous ringtones were usually downloaded off the internet but it soon got annoying when you hear "Hey Ya" every 2 minutes or so when an SMS comes in.. i wanted something that would be easy on the ears for me and for others..

So i'm downloading classics.. Bach and some contemporary arias.. i like arias.. puccini's nessun dorma is one that i would put as an alarm.. since the title suggests that "No one is sleeping.." so im busying myself with little tasks like these to keep me occupied while i wait for my interviews.. etc..

I was an S' new apartment.. and somehow.. it seemed strange to me.. how everything came come together and Life seems simple and ideal and perfect.. how everything fits. Then you have to wonder, or at least the cynic and skeptic in you does, whether such pockets of certainty are transient or belie a greater uneasiness.. and how, you often scare yourself knowing that that is true and how you weep for the certainty of that knowledge, for yourself and for your friends, and how some would sink.. and how little will survive. It's a farrowing thought. but nonetheless.. this is REAL.

REAL and Transient. Being able to accept. Big ideas. Very difficult to swallow.. Terrible, life is no? :)

After Y there is A and defamation suits

I met Y... after an entire term of not really meeting up. And boy, things really happen. We met over lunch at Al Hamra and had Al Cannot-eat-egg-mess and Al-Margherita Pizza. There was an annoying lady, who took our orders.. kinda and when i asked whether my turkish belly dancers and sword swallowers were on the way, she looked at me for a while before saying in her nasal aunty voice, "haf.." nodding then walking away. I swear thats why the food i ordered was dodgy.

THere is this whole debacle about whether blogging is really airing your dirty laundry in public for all to see and smell the poo you fell on. Defamation suits, privacy issues, freedom of speech, constitutions, democracy.. you name it, anything vaguely intelligent or superior pertaining to debates of such natures have been spouted off the lips of the group.

Personally, blogging, has always function under the probability that your blog entry may be read by who ever, wherever and whenever... no matter how small that probability is. NOw, while you may function under the assumption that "Ignorance is bliss" and what they don't know i wrote about them about, won't kill them, the deed in itself, the fact that whatever remarks, opinion posted has already been made, renders such assumptions as invalid.

Qualified opinion as a defence? The dissemination of such information for public good as a shield? I say it will fail. THere is a very thin line in actually trying to discern whether or not in the first place such blog entries carrying such remarks/retorts/bitching have

1. Value to the public.
2. No intention of malice.
3. Qualified authority.

And you have to understand that such standards, as mentioned above are usually judged by an external audience. Your readers will decide the above. It is strange though. One would usually write to appeal to an audience. And the pandering to such an audience usually lands the writer in hot soup over stupid off the cuff remarks. Should liability be extended to the audience? Assuming of course the prescribe to the beliefs or the writer in the first place and such remarks are often goaded and demanded by your caring readers.

That would be stupid wouldn't it?

Besides less than 10 people read my blog. and its oh-so-boring... no sizzling romance, gosssips..

When the dust settles what is left

i haven't been writing because i though that once formal education ended there is no need to impress your peers or anyone else about your ability to read and write. But im writing nevertheless, for fear that the events happening to me may never be documented and immortalized on paper.. for all to see perhaps? Damn you voyeurs!

I had a good last term. I did what i wanted to do, enjoyed my classes and the company of my professors. Damn i enjoyed International Law.. makes me one to set up my own country and trade barriers. i hope my friends who have access to this blog would know that i often think of them and the distance that maims physical interaction, im glad that i have the company of cotton pajamas at my laptop though. I will see you guys soon.

I am job hunting. decided that im not going to do front line .. ie sales.. and prefer to do more back office work. i figured i wouldnt want to have to physically meet people and convince them that my products were better than someone else's, especially when i dont think it is and especially if i have to go round knocking on their doors. Im too lazy.. so sales is out,

ive learnt more about life these past few months then i have in the the 15 years or so of formal education. I used to be distracted by the macro. letting myself be blinded by big neon signboards with captions that read "TRUE LOVE" or "BRIGHT CAREER PROSPECTS" or "HAPPILY EVER AFTER" only to realise that they are all bullshit.

I learnt to be patient. To take my time. To give people their time. To respect what is truly important to others and to accept. Ive always been pushy. My motto was that i would only make myself happy first, and not others. I will not compromise. I will not jeopardize my own happiness. it becomes a problem when you realize, like a cliche love song from a 90s boyband, that you feel "incomplete".

You have to give. Sometimes you will receive. And when you give. Give wholeheartedly. Sometimes you will receive. Then that's enough.

Anyway, im thinking of getting a part time job that pays really well with very short hours and has high job satisfaction.