Read Aloud Exercise: Good for the Soul

Then said Almitra, "Speak to us of Love."

And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them.
And with a great voice he said:

When love beckons to you follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.

And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.

And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;

And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.

But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

Taken from: Khalil Gibran's The Prophet

Long Distance Relationship

When I can no longer reach you
I will become
Poetry.

So I could caress without touch
Become the word not heard
But still spoken.

When I am read, I become what you want me to be
I will have many names
“Hope” and “Love” are most common

I will become
the arms that greet
The end of a long ailment

proven remedy that is endorsed
by those who preach it

When I am uttered in close proximity
I am prayer

When shouted from afar
I am validation

Reciting me
Is an act of worship
And my God is you

I only ask
To be returned to
The same mouth I come from

And when you do
Do not leave

I, Poetry, is a secret gift to you
Strung in code
Wrapped in frocks

Sent in a language
love can reply

**This is a 2008 version of an original poem I wrote in 2005. I think it carries a more mature tone. The Original is somewhat sketchy and lack focus. Damn! Have I grown since! I took a Creative Writing class in my last semester of uni and was cock sure that I'd ace it. I had appalling attendance, which I attributed to bronchitis ( I was out partying 4 nights a week, in my last semester and caught bronchitis aggravated by ciggie smoke) I love poetry. The written word, period. Soothes the soul, no? I think everyone should write. Even if it is rantings, bitchings, musings.. whatever it is. Only when we write them down do they take physical form and become immortal works of our emotions. Plus, we get to read them later on and laugh, cry or marvel at how much we've grown since.**

The Original:

My Promise

When words can no longer reach you
I will read you poetry

Poetry is caress without physical touch
It is the word that is not heard
But still needs to be spoken

When read out it becomes what you want it to be
And goes by many names
“Hope” and “Love” are most common

Poetry is the arms that greet
The end of a long ailment

Proven remedy that is endorsed
By those who preach it

When uttered in close proximity
It is a prayer

When shouted from afar
It is a validation

The reciting of poetry
Is an act of worship
And its God is you

Poetry only asks
To be returned to
The same mouth it came from

And when you do
It never wants to leave

Poetry is my secret gift to you
Strung in code

Wrapped in my frocks
Sent in a language only love can reply

This is why I promise to read you, poetry

Choice and Outcome

I am an intense person. I think and analyze a lot. Not my design but by default. I have so many questions that it begs answering. I do get answers for some of them and it has made me grow and there are still some that begs answering.

It was in the midst of my mid day musings that I finally understood the concept of predestination; how every event has already been pre-programmed and the outcome decided even before the event is to occur. That initially threw the idea/right of freedom of choice and free will out the window for me. The argument is: If the outcome has already been decided, and not by the do-er, then how can anyone have any free rein over the event itself?

I was struggling in the dark with this for a while.

For most of my Life, I have been, as many of us are, obsessed with OUTCOMES. How will it all end? We all want to know. Yes, it is important. But what is most telling, and most would not see, is the fact that we are basing our decisions on the outcome.

An easier analogy:

You have (already in possession) a match to play at 8pm. You somehow find out that the game is rigged and that you will lose anyway (decided outcome), no matter how hard or how well you play. Would you still play?

Many of us, after knowing outcome, will decide whether or not to play. More of us will choose not to (Me included) and fewer will decided to play.

However, how many of us, will use introspect to decide. Regardless of the externalities, which in this case, the outcome of the match. Introspection requires one to question motivation, purpose, desire or cause.

I, for one, am greatly influenced by outcome before deciding. If I knew, I would lose a match, I would think twice about playing. I may still play in the end, but I would not stop to think to understand why I made the decision. This is dangerous because I would simply focus on outcome or changing the outcome while playing. And then after losing, berate myself and enslave myself to Predestination.

If we could all could, stop and think.

We have so much in possession right now. People, places, events, property.. etc. If we stopped to think what each of it/them mean to us, we would be able to find meaning, cause, motivation, desire in all of them. That is the very essence of Life. That will keep us growing and going when the monotony of routine causes us to feel hollow and empty.

To introspect; to look at the match in its entirety, to focus on what we already have (skill set, passion for the game, love of sportsmanship, spirit of competitiveness) instead of focusing on what we do not have (outcome of the game), would make all of us happier. Because sometimes, even when the outcome is favourable (we will win the game), it becomes lost to us (while we play) because we lack introspection.

Remember, the outcome is merely an event. It happens. You win. You lose. In a blink of an eye, it is over. It is what comes before and after the event that counts. You could say that Predestination makes quick stops but it is Freedom of Choice that runs the show.

To put it into drawing:

Choice-Choice-Choice-Choice-Predestination-Choice-Choice-Choice-Predestination

It is more difficult, no?

But asking such questions will provide a greater meaning to our decisions to act because it gives us ownership while letting Predestination do their own thing. And when we have ownership, outcome bears less significance.

It is another way of saying that it is partly in the journey not the destination.

There is ownership: that debunks the notion that we do no have freedom of choice. It has been said that what differentiates angels from us is the fact that we have freedom of choice. And I do not believe that Predestination takes that from us; it merely determines outcome, but it does not make the choice of whether or not to play for us.

So take ownership. Let Predestination worry about the rest.

I will give you some time to digest all of this.

hmmmmm......

hmmmmm......

hmmmmm......

hmmmmm......

Doing it like Abba and knowing me knowing you.. aha....

It was over potty on one weekday afternoon that I had an epiphany.

Potty to me is heaven since I am mostly constipated. In the literal sense of the word. But coffee and Macs do it for me sometimes. Unaided, it takes weeks. I had The Ridz accompany me to a friendly local neighbourhood doctor some weeks ago, only for him to snigger at my lack of bowel movements. Even with his lack of professionalism and having to address his concerns about when I did potty while grimacing through the discomfort, I knew he was right. I spent the rest of the afternoon chowing down on Macs while The Ridz and I marveled at the lack of a minimum wage. He had called an in house maid service and we paid 2 maids 50 bucks to do what was humanly impossible for 3 able bodied males do over a year... cleaning up the apartment.

I had my Macs and tried some cycling with my legs in the air, as advised in the pamphlet entitled "Sembelit" which I found at the clinic some days earlier.

Potty has come and gone. I have been to a city and a beach in recent weeks and bound for another adventure this weekend for a friend's hen party. Its theme is Retro Punk 80s.

People have envied me. Elevated me to almost princess fairy tale like status knowing that I am currently "chillin' mc chillin". But to say I have not been productive would be a lie. The converse is true.

I have learnt more about myself, attained more clarity in these past few weeks that I ever had.

I learnt how I have to get over myself and that there is a higher purpose/meaning to this life than self gratification.

I learnt how to count blessings and be grateful even at times when it is hardest.

I understood that it is only when one introspects and asks, that one realizes that the questions grants responsibility for action, but more importantly change.

Right now, my compass is still finding True North. But I know, it is pointing to the right direction.

My epiphany saved me. Cleansed and clear, I am. And though I cannot say I am no longer afraid, I have my haven. It involves mat and compass but no traveling required.

But I still can not do regular potty.