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My relationship with The Ridz has evolved. I wouldn't say it "ended" because that would be too conventional, and I, well, try to make things as snazzy as it can.

We have reached a point where we realized the technicalities overwhelm reality. He was not ready and I was not ready to have a little more faith and give in.

So we did what we thought was best. Change.

We are no longer a couple. We decided that it would be best that I would stop waiting and for him to stop trying to "make this thing work". He had tried so hard. And so have I. But sometimes we just got to let things flow. Even if it means that we head towards different direction.

Things change.

Yet from what I have learnt over the past few days, adjusting and realigning myself to the new relationship, some things will always remain the same.

I am still happy.

I have become less selfish and finally giving the relationship the space and time that it needs.. and so if it happens, it happens.

So long have I guided my Life around goals and plans. I am aggressive and prefer taking the lead than following one. And then I learnt that Life is not a competition. There is no prize. The ending has already been written and though this does not eliminate my freedom of choice, it helps guide how I should cope with the decisions that have been made, by me or by others.

So I decided to be happy, be less selfish and truly enjoy my time with the people who matter.

Which is why I am still here. Not to hold on to the threads.. but to slowly let go. And quietly understanding that though that's the hardest thing to do, it is when it's hard that it is probably the best thing to do.

Where do you go to my lovely?

Listening to the soundtrack of The Darjeeling Limited, I realise how obsessed or at least the obsession I place in finding the "perfect" soundtrack.

Perhaps a little over dramatic, but I belong to the school of thought where there are fireworks when you have that kiss, Bach's Air on G string when you see him for the first time and "Don't stop till you get enough" when you want to... you know....

*ahem*

Perhaps my obsession is misplaced. Because I am so bent on waiting for the cue and for the first chords to come that sometimes, the moment/person, slips past.

To place some objectivity on this train of thought, I told myself, in my relationship with The Lawyer, that it would never work out, since I would never play RETRO at my wedding, and he has "questionable" music tastes.

I would also highlight that Melbourne Airport houses a precious memory of Shan singing GNR's "Patience" while I waited for a final boarding call.

Or that time when The Doctor held me and my 3 month old niece as we swayed to bossa nova in my living room.

Point is: My life's memorable moments all had soundtracks. How could it not?

Moving on, I am waiting for The Soundtrack. And we all know how this is going. I could end up with white noise. But the thrill of hearing those opening chords...

Surely, that is worth looking for...