Mumbai Motorcycle Madness...

India is my kohl lined, green eyed, raven haired mistress. She wears the sun with red and gold. Hand mad henna with design of blooms. Feet powdered fresh in earth.

She beckons me to come towards her. I am unsteady but confident in her hands.

She catches me and twirls me around till I get dizzy but I cannot bear to ask her to stop.

This is India wooing me.

While I am half asleep, she sends fire crackers of light. I hear them first. Then when I go look, a burst of green, then gold, then red. That is India getting dressed.

In my bed, she brings herself to my lips. India tastes sweet, spicy and wholesome. I wake up with her smell on my fingers and my tummy full. This is India feeding me.

In the day, she waits in the form of a tiger. Dangerous and powerful. Waiting to be hunted. Waiting to hunt. I can only wait. This is India taunting me.

But at evenings, when it is neither day or night, India waits for me and becomes "Manoj".

I always have to climb down 4 flight of stairs to meet him. And he is always waiting.

"Chale?" He would ask.

I nod and I know it is time for us to go.

I hold on to India tight. He moves fast and reckless. Every now and then, he slows down or changes course. But most of the time, India is an immoveable force and we head straight. I must hold on to India tight. We are going to the market to buy sweets and make memories. I must hold on to India tight.

When India speaks, he says,

"You are looking very nice in the sunlight."

"I am wearing black." I reply.

And then we laugh.

India is wooing me. And I have fallen in love.

Going on and on over a date...

There must be a date. A date when things changed, a paradigm shift occured or your path once uncertain became carved bold.

23.10.87

15.02.04

16.09.76

Mean anything to you?

We are all waiting for the "Kaboom", Marvin the Martian style. That Tipping Point. That "spark". That "changing of the tides". And they will occur or for some of us, have already occured. On that fateful date, when all is/was possible or impossible and then "Kaboom!"

Then euphoria gives way to the next date and all is forgotten. A tragic but true story. How do we keep track of who we were, who we are now and more importantly, who we might become?

I keep a handwritten schedule/journal, paranoid that I would lose track of time and its events. I need to know what I did a week, a month, 6 months ago to this date. It helps me track my journey. Where I have been, the people I have met, the things I have thought about. In short, just about anything you need to know about me, is in that book.

But more telling that the what and who, are the words scribbled at the top of these pages. Usually around the 7am-9am lines, since that is when most events do not get pencilled in yet. Too early for plans. Those lines bear the intimate thoughts, quotes and prose of the minds that have influenced or "spoken" to me most. Those lines, if you read it carefully, will let you into my world. Too intimate to be shared over dinner at 8pm, coffee at 10am or picnic at 4.30pm.

Read those words and you will know the real "me" or at least who I wish to become.

That's a dare. Or a dangerous proposition.

The pen is mightier than the sword

What I am like, according to "Handwriting Analysis"..

1. I am literate.
2. I am slightly indecisive. It's hard for me to commit to any one thing.
3. I am an optimist, and also very creative and adaptable. I look forward to the future.
4. I am very calm in chaos; I rarely get violent or highly emotional.
5. I have a nice temperament and probably get along with most people.
6. I have a quick intellect and a mathematical mind.
7. I have integrity and am a very loyal friend.
8. I am dependable, but flexible as well. I have common sense, and am very creative as well.

Of course, this could be hogwash. But its good to believe that I have common sense.

I got it here: http://everything2.com/index.pl?node_id=1204360

Bites out of Life- A Lecture

I had been meaning to write for a while but thought it would be better if I let things simmer down abit. Not that it has been brought to a seething boil, but because sometimes, when you let things "be", clarity follows.

The task of attaining "clarity" was a fierce battle of ego and pride. Too often, I find myself "caught up" enough to react the way I usually do, brash and mindless. And mindfulness is key. Only when you are mindful; and I mean this in the most simple way: can you act clearly? How many of us, too many a time, have decided to "let it out", because it "feels" right or good? While the ego and pride becomes appeased, it does nothing for character or the soul. After all, it is not how you feel, but how you act that defines you.

Ask then: What defines you?

I have read and I have travelled. I have reignited ties with people from my past and strengthen ties with the present. I have gone beyond comfort. Opting instead to learn more about myself, or more importantly, my limits. You can only do so when you start asking.

The process of self knowledge stems from the basic cursory idea that there will come a point in time, though it differs from one individual to another (time and place), where we ask the fundamental/insane questions.

"Is this enough?"

"Why am I not happy?"

"Is there more?"

"Why am I doing this?"

"Did they really raise prices of my frappucinos again?"

Now, the fact that the last question is greeted with mockery at once, illustrates one thing. The heart/soul/self (depending on whether you are ruled by logic or emotions) already knows what is most pertinent. Vital for survival. Without question. So it leads to the question: How?

Truth: "You can only learn what the (heart) already knows."

Or, If you get it, you get it.

If you don't, you don't.

Sounds abstract?

Not quite. If you want to apply this logically, add the factors of time and place.

Once the questioning starts, therein lies a restlessness, which left untempered will eat you whole. You will see this "hollowness" in friends, family, acquaintances.. You will recognize them when you see them. They seem detached and unfulfilled despite the overall good living circumstances. Surprisingly, this is more common in the middle and upper classes of society. Maslow's hierarchy of needs at its best. When basic needs have already been met, restlessness lies in the need for something more esoteric. Unfortunately, the esoteric cannot be attained through tangible gains and assets.

Therein lies the discontent.

Remedy is in knowledge. Seek and learn. And to do so, you need a teacher. Or books. The person (teacher) or the medium (books) through which his teachings have been passed down. Why? Simply because to learn, we need to be taught. And most of the time, we need a guide to coax that answer out of us.

It is more of an awakening instead of a transference of new knowledge. After all, "You can only learn what the (heart) already knows."

Exhausting, I know.

What is Life then, without struggle (jihad)?