Always.Look.Forward.

If there's one thing that can make any relationship work, its the fundamentals. Fundamentally sound. Being on the same page. Being on the same wavelength. Semantics for the same and for the one true thing that could make or break.

I thought I had found the best soundtrack of my Life and was walking on sunshine. The perfect verse over a tight beat. But clouds got in my way, as Joni Mitchell once sang. In the end, it was about trust. And taking that leap without feat, as the Sufis say, not in that context of course. They say fear is illusionary. It's unfulfilled threat of the unknown. Once you "know", it dissipates like a stench in a strong breeze. But there's always that nagging feeling when you know something's not right.

So in between future plans, escapades to exotic locations and the cotton flossed promises of what a future of together might entail, the day to day hit me hard.

The pieces fell apart soon enough. I've always reminded myself and those who seek my counsel: Pareto's Principle of 80/20. Be prepared to put up with shit 80% of the time, and then the rainbows during the rest. But sometimes even shit is hard to handle. I am not a pessimist. I'm just a realist and take great comfort in knowing such odds. I become less of a whiner that way.

Like all things, an end always heralds a beginning and unfortunately that can be a bit of a mess. Just as I was to embark on the new, the old comes for another run. This time, it was a proclamation of "Thy will be done"; an almost heroic middle finger to the circumstance and a one way ticket to the happiness that such recklessness is to offer.

I proceeded cautiously, even if it was brokered through a mutual friend.

As I waded through limbo for awhile, my new companion waded through his own sea of negativity and venomous thoughts. I had expected much more and would have loved an air of indignant calm. But I guess: therein the difference lies.

It was Darth Vader vs. Obi-wan. And surely the stakes are high.

Someone's got to lose. And everyone has to pick sides.

I picked happiness.

I watched with much cynicism as the months passed, 2 became 6 and 6 became 8... and suddenly the rhetoric became realised.

It is really happening this time.

We all have to stay tuned. Clouds still get in the way. But I don't mind clouds that much.

Hokey Pokey

After a couple of months of quiet introspection and solitude, I find myself grasping clarity, almost. Of course, there was the confusion, the noise, the furor, the suspense and the occasional "wut, wut?!" But as I so often say, "At the height of confusion, there is clarity." And I waited, and waited. Till finally you start seeing the forest instead of the trees. No more storm clouds, no more 4-piece string orchestra playing descending chords and no more quiet.

No more quiet.

He found me. After 28 years and counting, that slumbering ogre of happiness decided to rub his sleepy eyes awake and send him first class directions to me. He is the answer to the geometric progression of those before him.

*poke* goes the weasel.

Damn I'm lucky. I had to go through a tricky questioning process and self doubt for a while. Does such a person exist? I mean, seriously, is he even for real? What's the catch?

No one rocks my boat the way he does. He is defiant, deviant and divine. He listens to soul. And mine has recognised its counterpart.

I have found my soundtrack and it's kickass. If there's a catch, I hope i'm it.

Indian Ocean Satellite Loop

Is the name of my band.

Inspired or at least ripped off from a news wire I get which tracks weather patterns across the Indian Ocean fed to my Bloomberg. It really is a satellite picture.

The band will play a mix of electronica, folk, psychadelic rock, kinda like Air's Surfing on a Rocket + Flaming Lips' In the Morning of the Magicians + a bit of funk/soul.

I don't know what I will be doing in the band.

We will release our albums in reverse chronological order.

Our Greatest Hits album, a series of 25 songs will be released sometime next year... It will be a "complete and mature" compilation of Indian Ocean Satellite Loop's works accompanied by a commentary of each track.

Our Debut album will be released in 2020. It will be raw, cluttered and experimental, to reflect our youthful, naive, virgin foray into music.

Along the way, we will encounter breakups, makeups and a few sex scandals.

We will also include artists that we figure would best complement our sound for that album. So in keeping with the times, Lady Gaga would be a feature in our Debut album.

The music we produced will not be in a single CD/mp3 format.
Listeners would have to download (for free) different layers of our music separately and play them instantaneously to fully appreciate the multi levelled audio experience.
For instance, a piece of music will have 4 different layers of music : bass, synthesizers, vocals and other accompaniments.
Each layer will be released separately.

Listeners can choose to listen and play around with different combinations and in turn, create their own "Indian Ocean Satellite Loop" sound.

Every now and then, the band members will make personal deliveries of the "layers" on bicycle.

We will select a city/town and don bunny masks while making our deliveries, as homage to that Jackass prank where they wore Bunny suits on tandem bicycles with their breaks removed. And also an homage to Donnie Darko.

We might/might not perform in concert because it might/might not distract the band. We fear that external interactions over sustained periods might taint the purity of our sound.

We will not be corrupted by the dollar dollar bill.

We will not appear on Rolling Stones but will appear on Vibe.com.

We will not have video-hos.

We will have bunny-hos. Bunny tails must be at least a C-cup. All bunnies will be sterilised.

We will not get it crunk, until we release our remix of Mary J Blige's "Family Affair" in our 5th album.

We will also be active on Facebook.

We will not allow our music to be listened to by children under the age of 8, for reasons we will divuldge in our (last) Debut album.

We will play at Glastonbury but in mute.

I have full artistic control of the sound and image of the band. My genius will not be questioned and human sacrifices are a must on Tuesdays and alternate Sundays.

At some point, I will suffer from depression and get hooked on a series of soul numbing prescriptive drugs, which will be reflected in our sound in our 3rd album. I will then voluntarily go into rehab, shave my head and issue a sobering statement to the fans through ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com.

No eating or drinking is allowed when performing.

We ban all use of lightsticks and lighters.

We will auction off our bunny masks to charity.

We will only use recycled paper when jotting down music ideas.

We will not use the word "Boomz" in any of our songs.

this.too.had.passed.

The whistle has been blown after extra time.
Both players exhausted. Both players defeated.
But it was not a game.
One player had forgotten.
And the other could not forgive.
It was not a game.
But it was definitely over.
And I could only laugh,
to fight back my tears.

Ego Tripping

I've been battling a bout of wanderlust these past couple of weeks. I can't help but bring myself to reminisce that just a year ago I was in Europe, lacing MacDonald registers everywhere with Francs and Euros. I had welcomed waking up to weather in lower registers capped by snow capped Alps in the background. Everything was done and over by 6pm and city folk retreated to intimate dinners.

As hamsters turn the wheels in my mind faster, I can't help but feel panic at worst. I want to get away so much.

But in line with my resolution to save moolah this year, I decided to calm down abit and not left click on that "Book Now" option on the travel websites.

So as luck would have it, or the lack of it, I stumbled upon a chance of a lifetime to win me a free trip (return air tickets) to Europe.

It was a contest to guess the make of a car, not yet launched. I have never been a sucker for freebies neither have I exalted luck. Nevertheless, I decided to give it a go. So it was off to the web where I started doing research and googling the shit out of whatever clues or hunches I had.

After much debate between The Ridz and I, I made my guess.

I went through the trouble of reading the rules and regulation for the contest and made sure I sent in just 1 entry instead of the gajillion that most people would, in the hopes of raising their chances of winning.

That left click on mouse was greeted with anticipation and anxiety over the next 2 weeks or so before they announced the results.

What was amazing was that I honestly thought I would win.

I didn't.

Farking hell.

Mexico-Cancun-Cuba anyone?

I fly like Paper

Its no wonder I don't tell people about my blog. It's full of thingy wingies and something something but not quite.

I don't mean to be vague but there is other thing...

Perhaps I find it difficult to find the exact words to chronicle the going ons. My entries are mostly thoughts and ideas, not narrations. I find that too self serving. Plus, it only takes a phone call to ask what I'm doing, though I am fiercely private. Tiger on a rampage kind of f.i.e.r.c.e.

This year is going to be a good year for me. I can feel it in my bones.

No doubt, I lost money over the Lunar New Year gambling weekend (Used to be a barometer for my financial affairs for the rest of the year) and I used to win BIG. But still, I don't see any substantial reserves. So this year, it will be different.

I am watching where my money goes, very keenly and having the discpline to act on my judgment. So far it has been good, though I give myself "cheat" days every now and then. A dollar can bring you very very far indeed depends on how high your vantage point is and how, *ahem* cheap you are.

The sporting season is starting soon and like the years that have come before, I am left scrambling for a team, getting physically fit and ready, watching what I eat and so on. I am left to wonder sometimes why I go through all the trouble.

It IS troublesome.

With a full time job, night training and gym sessions before work, I am more often than not tired and running on empty. So of course, I watch what I eat and what I do when I am not training. No clubbing or late nights. I try to have 8 hours of sleep every night.

But I do question my motivation.

I don't want to move on? Yes.

I love what I do? Yes.

So yes, I am stubborn enough to keep going at it like its going out of fashion and loving it. Why wear make up when you have endorphins?

Plus, I get to use the same clothes I bought when I was 20.

Game, set, match!

deeper still than the deepest recesses

today, we plunge into our deepest economic recession. never seen or felt before by a population made up of mine and yours.

the sun sets early in winter.

bring out the fur.