Pleading the 5th

I don't want to incriminate myself. I don't want to sound petty, emotional and oh-so-dramatic, so I'm pleading the 5th amendment on every girl's constitution, PMS.

"PMS" shall be defined as

A condition that maims, distorts and over-dramatizes basic female judgement, which causes
irrational and oversensationalized emotions, usually negative in nature.

"Negative in nature" shall be defined as

Lacking in any feel good factor that results in low self worth, immunity of all things good, lack in interest in anything constructive or productive and bouts of jealousy over the good fortune of others. Such negativity could result in the engagement of mindless brooding, mulling and moping sessions, sometimes all at once and usually in the confines of one's room, under quilts and shattered expectations. It could also result in bingeing on high sugar foods.

When such a condition strikes, the victim is excluded from the following liabilities:

1. Collateral damage of any nature caused by physical rampages, bouts of kungfu fury or spells of "I just want to fucking do it that's why!"

2. Emotional damage to people around her caused by word slinging, verbal showdowns and "un-lady like" demeanor.

3. Increase in household expenses pertaining to food and paper products.

4. Loss in mental well being and hearing of stakeholders.

Remedies

No questions should be asked. Give the lady what she wants, dammit!

I was looking forward to a nice late Saturday night rendezvous. There was no pre-determined plan, after all Life should be spontaneous right? *my ass* So after an afternoon with girlfriends which was spent lamenting on our lacklustre, read non-Hollywood fantasy, love lives and deciding that he, the main actor in the sappy movie we watched, was the epitome of what a man is, i decided to go pretty pretty and have an awesome night.

I wore my black dress. The dress. Did my hair just so and put on nice music in the car's stereo. I drove around town hoping that the other party would be game enough to go ahead with the evening's spontaneity. I was in an excellent mood. I was hopeful and optimistic.

I was rudely disappointed. Halfway between waiting and that left turn to Suntec City, i realized that things were not going to happen. I watched the magic of that evening dissipate and my black dress wore a different shade. What was i to do? I had other friends egging me to join them at clubs, but with the state i was in, i figured that i'd rather be indoors looking out then feel the abject state of abandonment while i was out there. My moods are transparent. You would know if i was low. ANd i didn't want to ruin anyone's night. So i did what anyone heartbroken/ disappointed/rejected could. I took the longer route home and let my mascara run its course.

I plead the 5th. Not as an excuse. But as the only way i know how.